Lost Innocence

My innocence gone

If anyone knew me

Would anyone want me

Like a fruit

already been bitten

Who would want it?

My memories haunt me

As I still feel it

scared to let

anyone close

To let

anyone hold me

hug me

To hold my hand

My dream

of a family

Is now gone

I am left

broken hearted

Again, and again

Because of what

you did to me

I saw everyone

As an enemy

Wanting to harm me

That dark night

I lost my innocence

My heart went dark

My soul cold

My mind blank

I grew up

And became lost,

Lost in a strange world

Where stop means go

Leave me means hurt me

And no means yes

The dirt you left

won’t wash off

You made me

Dirty inside and out

It makes me sick

I felt everything

That went in

That came out

Like a knife

Stabbing in and

Being pulled out

Was all of this

My punishment?

For being an outcast

For being naughty

For not belonging

I don’t know

All I knew was

I couldn’t cry

I couldn’t scream

I just sat there

Empty minded

Slowly cracking

Until I broke

My mind split

It took over

Protecting me

And now

I can’t be

Put back together

Still the fear haunts me

I tried to move on

I tried to live

I tried to love once

But the fear

of being hurt

still makes me sick

makes me feel dirty

All my fear

Took over and I stopped

And he left

because I couldn’t

My heart broken again

So, I forgot again

My fear of intimacy

fear of being touched

fear of boys

Became a secret

even from me

To keep me safe

For many years